just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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