whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
is it fun? or sober?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize