What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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