Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
