I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Blood and glitter go together right?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
be right there i have to get my cape
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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