we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
