How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
