when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
