Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Randomize
