I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
