I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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