what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
