it's like iHOP with fire
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
