My room smells like vodka and shame
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
