What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
