I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
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