Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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