he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
