we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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