they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
