I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
