oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Randomize
