to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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