1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
i think im in europe. pls send help
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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