i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
