hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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