I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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