If i come over, it means nothing
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
