Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
