I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
