My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
