areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
