party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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