The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
