Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
