Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
