White coat. Heels.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
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