thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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