saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
handjob tips. give me some.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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