why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
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