even my farts smell like vagina
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Randomize
