Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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