How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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