I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
