So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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