He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
