idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
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