they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
