it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
