at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
