I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
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