her vagine was all disorganized.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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