Do you still have your period?
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
