Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
