My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
