My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
No subtext here. People are naked.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
