Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
we made out on top of his cat.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
