im six kinds of drunk right now
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize