We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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