Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
