what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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