Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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