so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize