he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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