woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
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