Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
