Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
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